September 26, 2026
people around me like to have terrible ideas about gender which justify their own choices and biases. Luckily as a completely impartial party to this debate, I would like to present my universally correct view which will make everyone happy:
gender (in western society) is defined by proximity to male-ness. Men are the gender. women are defined by their relation to men, particularly by their implied sexual relationship with them. thus, lesbians are not women (see Wittig for further discussion). furthermore, older “women” and other desexualized categories are not women as they do not experience the sexual association with men to be defined by them. thankfully children are not women either. Naturally one begins to wonder whether gay men are women; absolutely not the sexual relationship involves a power dynamic which is socially and biologically determined.
those who are still reading are likely antsy at the use of “biologically”; in many circumstances this indicates that the author is about to drop a terrible opinion. Luckily biology is not static. Does someone with a broken bone remain in a perpetual state of broken bone-ness? no. hormones and social presentation change one’s relation to power in a sexual dynamic such that their relation to maleness is changed: are drag queens women? sure, if they’re in costume! if any presentation is sufficiently changed such that their expected relation to men changes, one has now changed their gender.
“presentation” is the social aspect of gender. There may be some internal identification thereof, but mind-reading is impossible. Thus one’s gender is determined by others. Yes, the actor may take actions in order to change what other people think of them, but this is ultimately up to one’s interlocutor. as in every component of the self we do not fully control how others see us.
if it sounds like I am invalidating some people’s experiences, that is because I am. the good news is that people’s perceptions of gender are also a function of the beliefs and communities they belong to: some may have more generous interpretations of presentation than others, some may stick to different rules when playing the social gendering game. this is fine as it allows one to join areas which support their particular presentation. this essay itself was inspired by someone’s fascinating assumption that all non-binary people are women, which is a choice which benefits one subgroup at the cost of others. there are infinite variations here.
problems of self-identification will be unsatisfying due to the inability to read internal states. though I default to believing what people tell me, most do not or make assumptions until told otherwise; therein lies the chafing regarding gender identity. it would be convenient if it were stored somewhere. alas