June 6, 2026
a friend gifted me emily post’s etiquette for the holidays, which is a wonderful glimpse into a culture parallel to my own. despite being raised in the south, this culture is one i catered to as part of my family business rather than one i was immersed in. as in any tradition, there exist both beneficial parts and those which weigh heavily on those who follow them. a diminishing art of value in this book is that of hosting and feeding guests.
in its most traditional form a dinner party is composed of multiple courses served sequentially with varying demands for composition and heaviness of each course. this is very demanding in a normal kitchen, let alone one bereft of space or utensils. however, i find myself fond of this format (or any limited format) as inspiration often comes from constraint. such a dinner would involve:
roughly, this corresponds to:
in the modern day, soup and either the entree or roast may be eliminated due to serving constraints.
more likely is today’s simplification to three courses: appetizer, meal, and dessert, where all are served buffet style. for example, my family’s most recent passover:
| appetizer (pre-meal) | appetizer (during meal) | meal | dessert |
|---|---|---|---|
| charcuterie board | matzoh ball soup | brisket | caramel-chocolate matzoh |
| cheese (variety) | gefilte fish | roasted chicken | chocolate-raspberry macarons |
| crackers (variety) | ashkenazi charoset | potato kugel | chocolate-hazelnut meringues |
| fruits (variety) | sephardi charoset | curried sweet potato kugel | flourless chocolate cake |
| meats (variety) | roasted brussel sprouts | gajar ka halwa | |
| dips (variety) | braised chickpeas |
this format, while more informal, allows guests to better choose what they would like to eat in fitting proportion to their appetite. an issue with this method is that the skills to efficiently prepare food in this way are fading; this is a shame and i would like to record how to do so for the future.
step 1: planning the menu
one must consider the needs of those attending. are there any dietary restrictions or allergies? my family has three pescatarians and one with nut allergies. since i am a pescatarian for ethical reasons, i handed off the responsibility of meat dishes to someone more comfortable with them, though taking on the responsibility for a high-protein/satiating vegetarian main that everyone can enjoy. then, consider the occasion – what is traditional? is there anything (fruit/vegetable) in season which you would like to highlight? from here, the menu can be determined.
step 2: organizing the day
though i find cooking enjoyable, there is only so much time one wants to spend in the kitchen. to minimize this time, create a list of all ingredients required for each recipe – adjusting for party size – alongside a list of the temperatures, times, and cooking locations for each dish. thus, each dish with the same temperature requirements can be cooked together and those with similar ingredients can benefit from simultaneous preparation.
| carrots | onions | potatoes | garlic | celery | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| matzoh ball soup | chop | cut | |||
| braised chickpeas | chop | slice | slice | mince | |
| curried sweet potato kugel | dice | mince | |||
| kugel | slice | grate | |||
| gajar ka halwa | grate |
and so on for all vegetables/fruits which can be prepared in advance.
since the chickpeas and casserole both require the oven to be set at 400F, bake those first. then, using the prepared ingredients, whip up the kugel while the former dishes are roasting so that the kugel can go in immediately after.
the matzoh requires the whole oven and a long cooling step, so that may be cooked next alongside the gajar ka halwa, which uses a pressure cooker. macaroons can be made in the blender, so this preparation may be done in a different part of the kitchen asynchronously. the flourless chocolate cake and macaroons can be baked simultaneously. then prepare the meringues last since they require an entire oven to cook and cool (otherwise this would have blocked three hours of oven time during the day). while the meringues are in the oven, prep the matzoh balls since they are not baked.
the day of, prepare the matzoh ball soup so that the vegetables remain crisp and matzoh balls stay firm. then the sephardi (nut free!) and ashkenazi charosets (these go bad quickly). then brussel sprouts (reheated brussels are not inspiring). these can all be done simultaneously as they operate in different parts of the kitchen. overall, day one took nine hours and day two six.
for any forgotten ingredients it helps to have a day-of assistant to pick them up (thanks dad!) and a helper in the kitchen for grating and chopping as needed. this is not strictly necessary but always lovely.
all of this planning ought to be done in advance if possible; find which dishes and ingredients can be stored in the fridge, frozen, etc. to eliminate day-of surprises. there should be as little to do during the dinner as possible so that you may also partake! the morning of the event should be dedicated to preparing the last-minute recipes, then heating the other recipes to serving temps. keep items covered in a warm oven at low temperatures, simmer what is needed on the stove, and set out hot pads for other dishes (nobody likes cold food!). for presentation, set and cover dessert and charcuteries for later serving. finally - enjoy your guests!