August 26, 2025
while i do like to give millenials the benefit of the doubt due to their relentless insistence on higher-quality living, one point they cannot escape criticism for is the term “adulting”. turning the inevitable transformation of oneself in their full capacity of rights and responsibilities into a verb implies that one can cease to be an adult in the way one may remove a mask. age is an irreversible process and should be treated as such.
a reason for the rise of this term is the lack of examples for people progressing into adulthood. there were once rituals and signifiers separating one’s life into stages. all that remains is college and the workforce, and even those threaten to become an extended adolescence. assigning blame for the decay of these institutions is pointless, and i do not believe that i am enough alone to design replacements. rather, i want to offer some things which i’ve learned that would be appreciated by my younger self. hopefully, i’ll read this post in a number of years and both appreciate the effort i put in and chuckle at misguided naivety!
a lot of one’s time will be spent working. as a person spends a lot of their time at their job, they should either enjoy what they do or the company they keep there. obviously, the priority is to exchange one’s labor for money to purchase necessities; however given that what one does shapes their thoughts and actions, these other considerations are important. and if one’s work incentives working harder, they should do it. there is a certain pride in doing well at what one does. also, as we spend a large amount of time at work, enjoy the people there! make friends!
in school one is constantly trapped between people, making it a near-inevitability that they’ll make friends due to proximity. this is not a guarantee in adulthood – one must find places to put themselves in repeated social situations. let it be clubs, gyms, bars, church, volunteering, hobbies, etc. – what matters is being in proximity to others. there’s no way around this. this also requires developing social hobbies (rock climbing, clubs) or hobbies with incidental interaction (concerts, sports). this is how one tends to meet people outside of work.
in general anything consumptive should not be considered a hobby. this includes watching tv, youtube, tiktok, social media, and reading without critical and/or group discussion. instead, its much better to have creative outlets: writing, drawing, music, knitting, etc. much of school suppresses our creative drives via intense time demands and the shift into adulthood allows for a reclamation of this time. as an aside, sports such as karate can serve as creative output.
through the above, one will hopefully meet others with the same instincts and patterns as themselves, grow closer to them, and make friends. spend time with them! plan things y’all both enjoy. and, be the first mover. out of a fear of rejection many decide not to ask others to do things – truly nothing bad can happen out of a proposal. it requires effort to do so and is entirely worth it. the average american only has an hour of social time per day; it is very easy to surpass this with minimal effort.
at this point you’ve lived on your own for at least a few years. however, you’re no longer a college student and need to stop living as such. keeping one’s place clean is much easier if done as constant low-effort tasks instead of biweekly frantic deep cleans. for myself, every time i’m at home for more than one hour, i tackle one or two tasks, be it taking out the trash, wiping down surfaces, or putting up decorations. rest assured, my place isn’t the cleanest, but is in the top twenty percent or so – rarely do i have to apologize for the state of my apartment when bringing over guests.
cooking for oneself is incredibly important. eating out every day is both expensive and unhealthy. while unrealistic to expect restaurant-quality meals daily, one can cook well with very little. some staples are below:
breakfast:
lunch:
dinner:
in general, lentils and beans are cheap and good. cheese in block form is filling. fruit is a good sugary treat. veggies provide fiver. some carbs are satiating, especially potatoes! and protein helps in exercise recovery.
and, you ought to exercise. the target of this post is in their early twenties and is about to face their first generalized aches and pains, doubly so given that most office jobs are sedentary. i recommend running; it becomes much easier after the first month. the issue of joint pain is way overblown. however, the best cardio is that which you enjoy consistently. if one pairs it with resistance exercise, that’s all you need. our ancestors moved well into old age; the modern sedentary lifestyle is uniquely terrible for us and many age-related pains are abnormal. aim for 150 min/week.
set up autopay for bills and create a budget. set aside 15% for retirement and 25% for emergencies if possible.
speaking of emergencies – they will happen in the long run, let them be medical, financial, employment, and so on. you will have to handle them yourself. yes, one’s parents can help them, but they may not always be there, so it is good to practice self-reliance now. have an emergency contact in the same city; save money for emergencies; above all else, cultivate a calmer mindset such that when these inevitabilities happen, you’ll be able to handle them.
another life skill is socializing. try to talk to as many people as you can from all walks of life. you don’t have to get along with everyone, though one should still be kind. given even a five percent rate of hitting it off with a stranger, one will get to know a multitude of people within a year. this tactic is doubly important if one is moving to a city in which they know few people. baking things and giving them to others is a good way t be endearing if you come across as socially strange. some of my standbys are:
as mentioned earlier, there exist a lack of examples for those newly emerging into adulthood; many of the paths available seem either antiquated or unachievable. that being said, one ought to still plan for a future. try new things; be around kids to see if you’d like one; date people; try living in various arrangements. there are so many ways to be in a limited time. be sure to become someone you’d like to be – stagnation is never the correct option.
you will die someday. come to terms with that.
i’m writing this now as i come into a time which i feel like a well-defined person, though i hope to continue to grow and change throughout my life, and this has entailed the prior processes. i hope my past self would benefit from this post and that my future self feels an appreciation for me now.
with love, hazel