May 3, 2025
everything good and bad in my life has emanated from discipline; its what allows me to wake at five in the morning, stretch, put on my shoes, and track a run through downtown cleveland, whether it be seventy degrees outside or negative seven. the same train fueled my college study schedule in which i tapered my work monday to friday, sleeping five hours on monday (listening to late-night college radio into the a.m.s so i could front-load my work for a better weekend. similarly it let me drive eighty miles a day through iowa cornfields for my first internship. when i am asked how i’ve done a certain task, discipline is usually an answer.
it need not be a good thing. discipline is the same reason why i have lumps on both my achilles making it difficult to go up stairs some days (i’ve only recently regained the ability to jump in the air, as i found in a mosh pit yesterday). it gave me the idea that given enough effort, i could make any relationship work, if only i devoted myself enough to the other person. discipline is why i have difficulty eating, even at my current bmi.
when we talk about agency – often shorthand for the ability to do things – we are oftentimes actually discussing discipline, for agency arises out of the ability to commit to an action. otherwise agency would look a lot more like a child wheeling from action to action. that one can just do things is true; calling it agency and not discipline elides the willpower it requires.
furthermore, being able to shape one’s self into any configuration is not good! there are many shapes a soul may take which cause it to have rough edges against the rest of the world, let alone the preservation of self. under a bleak lens an eating disorder or suicide are the ultimate outburst of mastery of self. this does not make them good.
on average people exercise their free will less than is optimal for them; this is why the concept of agency caught like wildfire in certain circles. there still exist material limitations on people’s actions which prevent them from being realized. furthermore, that one wants is not necessarily what is best for them or others. it is true that agency is both a useful tool for many and that its overuse can lead them down suboptimal paths.