March 31, 2025
i’m tired.
around this time in 2022, i was freshly one month on hrt, both excited to explore my new position in the world and terrified of its implications. the next year, newly negotiating with passing and the social dynamics thereof which i had newly been introduced to. in ‘24, concerned with navigating the workplace, dating, and building a life after college (college containing a much higher percentage of queer people). and now the fourth year.
in a time characterized by increasing amounts of vitriol toward people like us, i can say that i am still proud. not in a way claiming to be superior to other groups, but rather in recognition that getting to this point requires a great deal of effort. that alone ought to be celebrate. insofar that pride arises from adversity in the face of conflict, i have oodles of it. at the same time, i fear the insular turn some circles have taken.
“we defend ourselves” is a powerful statement, but “we” and “ourselves” ought to be more than just trans people. we cannot defend ourselves when we are not enough. alone, institutions are not on our side. diy hrt networks are wonderful and yet can only go so far against systemic violence. mutual aid is important, but we need to do more than pass around the same twenty dollar bill.
the aforementioned sentiment is common as many of us have similar life experiences; it is inherently easier to for these deep bonds with each other that bridge age and distance. in an era plagued with the failure of community structure, these entrenched friendships and loves are powerful. we forget that they are also points of weakness. with the capacity for intense love comes the ability to cause deep pain. as well, given that many of us have the same formative experiences, we also have the same vulnerabilities, which can cause cascading failures that other communities would be resistant to. if we would like to create any larger project, our tents must be larger. we are not enough.
with connection, i’ve seen people do amazing acts of devotion in the name of t4t love. fly across the country, help with immigration, and so on. these acts are wonderful and should not be necessary. an important component of relationship building is time and when people have had similar life experiences, it feels as if they have spent more time together than they actually have. relationships formed on this basis are not false, but may be weaker than they seem. furthermore, there is nothing beautiful about shared pain. a life cannot arise out of salted soil. the creation of bonds is easier – and this is good – but maintenance and growth merit serious effort which often falls by the wayside.
another issue is that of mutual pain points. given that we are a community founded on a shared struggle, we often have the same underlying issues: instabiity, trust issues, dysphoria, attachment, and so on. this is not to say that these are intrinsic to our being, but these traps do exist. groups may fall apart upon encountering these issues; shared bonds may be tested; we may lash out. our work may be more effective by expanding our coalition to include those who do not deal with these issues (and torwards those who have the patience to deal with those who have these issues). we are stronger when in alliance with others – separatism is not a viable strategy in our current collective stage of psychosexual development.
i am proud to be who i am; each of us do not exist in isolation. together, we ought to progress, amend these faults, create new stories and narratives for ourselves which help us progress from these dead ends at which we find ourselves. as a community, we are eating our own tails, churning through tired old stories. some of us have progressed to further stages. as a community, we must integrate these problems to survive. happy tdov.