February 26, 2024
typed up from my journal.
i try not to talk about what i think about relationships on the internet – not only is in an inherently gendered issue which comes with all of its trappings, it happens to be one of the issues where the ones most outspoken about it have the least to say. thousands upon millions of words have been devoted to sex, sexuality, and relationships, and maybe a tenth of a thousandth have been worth reading. the reason why one should not get relationship advice from the internet is the same reason why one should not get any other advice from the internet – its denizens are often the ones least suited to give normal advice.
the spark for this which ran rampant through my head setting fire to a long-neglected pile of thoughts was the phenomenon of 20-30 year-olds, straight and gay alike, lamenting their lack of experience of young love. the issue is that love has no age, only depth, and the intellectualization of it distances one from it.
first – i have experienced young love. my first relationship lasted for six years, starting in the second year of high school. the allowances and forgiveness of youth provide some benefits – the lack of real responsibility does add a rare freedom – but what marked the relationship was the depth of experience and knowledge of each other giving birth to a new language, sets of action, and knowledge of ourselves, and these lofty qualities did not arise from the experience of young love but rather the slow escape from it building depth. and this is not unique to youth. building a mutual self-knowledge happens at any age. intimacy burns slow and its ashes give rise that with deeper roots.
second, overintellectualization is a disease. one does not, and cannot, love through facts and figures, nor living vicariously through one’s screen. it is possible to be stuck in a quagmire of thoughts and not once ever act. a past love was found through random chance, another one the same, and another as well by offering her a contingent smoke. fixating on dating apps, on current culture, on the optimal moves to make may stop those of the wrong sort of mind from ever translating thoughts to deeds.
like most things which receive too many words, love is a thing which happens to you, a freight train hurtling at full speed toward all of you impossible to dodge, only to mitigate. it is a necessity of life. staying in a room all day prevents one from encountering any danger; this perfectly frictionless life excludes everything else as well, and this is an impossible sacrifice.
one has one rich, full life. to behave as if some essential acts were beyond and apart from oneself is to tarnish it.